decisions decisions (now it's for real)

After failing to examine the questions that preceded the blog's genesis in my previous post¹, and how they fit in the grand scheme of things (being how my ultimate purpose is to force myself to write and practice writing), I'd like to put a lid on that subject right here and now, before following up to more interesting themes².

OK, so, all things considered and put into perspective, I had to sort out, well... 2 issues.

But they were rather significant! 'Mmmkay?
I couldn't create the blog without deciding on the first issue, and then I wouldn't be able to really start writing without doing the same to the second.

It was, it seemed, something of the inescapable kind.

One was whether I would write the blog under my name or do it anonymously, and the other was about the language of choice for the blog: should I do it in my native tongue, Portuguese, or should I go for a more universal English?

My options are evident by now, but neither one was an easy pick.

Opting to write an anonymous blog was initially an attractive idea. Without anyone really knowing who I was, I would have, I believe, more freedom to rage about mostly anything, without moral considerations and eventually in an irresponsible fashion. I'd probably even be tempted to paint the world in black and white, as it is so much easier, and forget about all the shades of gray that truly make it interesting (and, I have to hand it, on some calls, overly-complicated³).

Since I'm not after easy or immoral, but instead of a stable way to expand myself  and my writing - this is, after all, simultaneously a personal and a writing project -, a sense of freedom, in the guise of a freeway to tread over everybody else's, is not what I'm effectively looking for. Make no mistake: I do want to achieve freedom, but of the creative kind, and not at the expense of moral responsibility. What I am looking for, and what writing on my behalf gives me, is an incentive to keep the quality up, and... well... some of the idiotic ramblings down⁴. I win, you win, everybody wins!

As Steven Heller put it in his, What’s In A Name? post a few days ago, "a real name at the end of a blog post is an indication that the person who authored the statement is taking responsibility, indeed ownership of the words — it is a simple act of honesty". Personally, I'm not picky about it being a real name, as, as far as I'm concerned, a nickname would do just as well, so as long as it was directly relatable to a real face, to a consistent person, with the courage to stand by his/her own opinions and ideals.

Add it to the fact that, going anonymous, would prevent me from sharing it with the people I know - not, at least, without ruining the anonymous part of it -, and you have the key points for my choice.

As a side note, I already owned this domain, but never had actually put it to good use.
It was used mainly as a way to keep my e-mail address the same over time.

I have also been, for some time now, wanting to create my own personal web site. Talk a little bit about myself, link to my pictures in Flickr... You know, build my little corner on the rim of  the web.

This was my chance to do that. So it all sort of fit into place nicely.

Now that I dip my cookie on this subject once again, there's really no running away from the fact that this is about my life, these are (and hopefully will be) my stories. So it seems only appropriate that I used my name.


One down, one to go!


The final pre-blog consideration, the whole English vs. Portuguese thing, was one that echoed in my mind for quite some time - I really don't like the way this makes my mind look... void! ;)⁵ -, and in the end there was no definite winner. I made my choice, yes, but the scale was even. In reality, I could very well be writing this in Portuguese right now...

Looking at this as a tool to help me practice my writing, and considering that one of my long term goals is to, someday, complete the book I have started writing 14 years ago in Portuguese - I believe I have one quarter of its story done ;) -, and then probably see if there is a career in it for me or not, the best path seemed quite clear.

Another thing that made the scale tilt in the direction of my native language, was that I found writing in it quite more complicated than doing it in English (even with the natural vocabulary hiatus of a second language). So, at least supposedly, I would have more to gain from practicing that which I found hard, instead of just taking the lighter alternative.

All was going well for the Portuguese side, until something occurred to me, a very important detail about myself and the way I write: my essential difficulty is not the language per se, but the mess that goes in my mind and in the flow of ideas. That is what I really have to overcome - and it doesn't matter which language I'm using.

And when I faced the huge advantage that English brought aboard, a broader audience appeal, the scale was decidedly rebalanced.

I was back to where I started. The scale pointed up again.

Once more, the crossroad stood before me. Two attractive destinations. One undecided traveller.

"Leave it to wind", I thought.
So I opened up my arms and closed my eyes... and waited... waited for the wind to push me one way or the other.

And eventually, it did.

One day, heading back home from work, I started throwing together some ideas that, at the time, I considered might make an excellent kick-off post (I already have some notes written down... I will, at some near point in time, properly write the thing up and publish it!). As it went on and I got excited with the idea of finally starting this project I noticed I was thinking... in English.

So that was what tipped the scale just enough for me to pass the decision through!

That was the day I chose. That was the day I created the blog.


—

¹ It seems I'm growing the habit of linking back to my previous post... I'm not sure if it is just a bad tendency, or if there is, somewhere in my subconscious, a belief that the sustaining threads of the (world wide) web are just too frail, and that these extra connections are what is helping keeping it all together<sup>6

2</sup> Ha! Now I've got you salivating in anticipation! (... I wish...)

³ Although I'm more of a believer on the "the world isn't complicated, it is the people that make it so" line of thought.

⁴ But no promises!

⁵ Mental note: get some pretty smileys!

⁶ I'm going to try really hard and avoid doing it on the next few posts. But heed my warning: if the web comes crumbling down, don't you lot come marching in, torch and pitchfork, ok? I'm always up for some stake burning, but not when it's me on the menu! :P